Perspectives from a Liberal Mormon

Monday, March 13, 2006

Hello Cleaveland!

So this weekend the Mrs. and I decided to take a holiday down to Las Vegas, the land of milk and honey. The purpose for our little adventure was to go and see the Bob Jovi concert. As for the concerto, it was pretty radical. In fact, I would dare say that it was really, really ridiculously radical.

As I was sitting there waiting for Bob and his crew to take the stage I began to people watch. And as I was engaged in previously stated activity, I noticed something: a lot of the members of the female species liked to show off their boobies. And not that there is anything wrong with that because I do support women and their choice to display their God given gifts, or surgically implanted enhancements, whichever the case may be. However, I began to notice a fairly disturbing phenomena, there are women who feel that bras are no longer necessary in this day in age. And not that this is a problem, because I support women and their choices not to wear bras, but there are those who would greatly benefit from wearing one.

Now, not to sound conceited or anything, but I believe myself to be something of a boobie conossieur, and there are rules that need to be adhered to. The first deals with cleavage. Cleavage is something that can be a wonderful thing, maybe even a beautiful thing depending on the individual. Now the first rule with cleavage is that the cleavage line should proceed from the top of the boobage along a slanted line towards the edge of the collar of the shirt. When followed properly, this technique could produce great oggling results.
At Bob Jovi, I noticed that this rule was not being heeded as strongly as it should have been. I noticed that some women, whose boobies seemed to have fought the good fight with gravity and lost, still felt that they were not going to concede and wear the bra. Thus resulting in straight-line cleavage. Now, I do not wish to dwell on straight-line cleavage, because it's icky. Needless to say, I felt it my duty to educate the world about the do's and don'ts to good cleavage etiquette.

Now there are many more rules when it comes to cleavage, but it would take a great deal of time to discuss such sensitive and crucial issues, so I must stop for now. I only request that you take time and think about what has been written here and how this applies to you in your life. Boys, if you happen to fall victim to being enticed by bad cleavage, my advice to you is to not let it get you down, but take it as a learning opportunity and one for change. It is never too late. Girls, if your boobs have fought the good fight and lost, it's okay. The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you can begin the journey to making a good cleavage situation out of a potential hazard. It too is never too late to start anew if this rings true for you. The important thing is that we all come to grow together as both males and females and the beauty that is cleavage. And girls, regardless of your choice, I support your ability to make that decision, I just hope you make the right one. Not just for me, but for yourself.


At 10:48 PM, Anonymous Shaun said...

Man oh man do I love boobs!! I agree with what you have said here. Bad clevage, is bad! Kah kah!

Reminds me of the "40 year old virgin".. "You know when you grab a boob.. and .. and it feels like a bag of sand.."

haha. And I fully agree with the no-bra thingy, as long as they have passed the 'no bra allowance test', which of course is performed by me. A hands on experiment. Some girls go out in public with boobs that look like a rock in a sock, (aka, Ms. Chokesondick.. South park). When I see those type of girls, I wonder why they have their arms inside the front of their shirts.. until they turn and I see their arms..

Then I puke. The end.

At 8:07 AM, Blogger Christar said...

Some girls can pull off cleavage, and others can't. Every girl has something that works for them in the bust area, they just gotta find it, and work it!

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